How to Balance Big Goals While Living in the Moment

0:03 Hey Jeremy, can you live in the moment and chase your goals at the same time? That is such a great question. There are so many gurus in this sort of self -help space that will tell you one or the other is the only way. Well I think today we should try and unpack that a little bit more because what if my goal is to live in the moment?

0:46 So Zach, I know you have a lot of goals. You're a big goal guy, as far as I know. I'm kind of the opposite. I don't really set out to accomplish big things. In the past, that's sort of bit me in the ass. I've been invited to run 5Ks and participate in physical feats of whatever accomplishment can get you a medal. And usually what happens is I do those things, and in the training process, I get hurt. and then I'm derailed and I give up and I and I don't continue on the path. What has worked for me more in the last couple of years now has been really just focusing on the day to day the process, the thing that I can do.

1:26 So for example, going to the gym, when I go, you know, the three, four or five times a week, I'm not going with the goal of the six pack, the, you know, certain amount of muscle growth, getting strong, like I'm not going there for any of that. I'm going there so that I can say I did it today. And there's a, there's an analogy that, know, the scoreboard takes care of itself. If you go out and do the things, if you make the plays, the scoreboard will reflect the work. And for the most part, that's been my result with particularly the physical activity being more consistent, going to the gym and sticking to it has really kept my mental health more stable than I think it's ever been in my entire life. And it's not the goal, right?

2:09 I'm not going to the gym going, I want my mental health to be good. I'm going to the gym so I can say I did it that day. And in the end, the result is mentally I'm clearer, stable, and just in a better place than I've ever been in my life because I'm not focused on the goal. In the last couple of years while I still have like these like big goals that I was trying to achieve I also was just putting in the work in areas where I Didn't have a goal where I was just going to do the thing like we'll we'll talk about the gym, right? Because it seems to be the thing and in the last six months like I haven't been able to go to the gym as much and it's been very interesting watching everything else kind of decline.

2:52 I was putting in the reps, I was doing the work, the scoreboard was ticking up. And now it's like the defense is kicking my ass and I'm not scoring any points. Right? In that sense, like I wasn't going to the gym specifically with any goals. It was just a consistency thing for me. And then within the gym, I had goals of like, I want to do this and I want to do that. want to do that. And I don't think I realized I had some of those things until this one actually bit me and the scoreboard is literally fucking negative now. You It's just interesting because I think in this space you hear so much about like have the North Star, have the thing to aim for because that's what's going to keep you motivated and keep you going until you reach it.

3:32 And then you hear the other side of it of you have to have that North Star just so that you do the work. But ultimately don't worry about whether or not you ever achieve it because the work you're doing is the point. It is the lesson to learn and it is the way to improve. So whether or not you ever. lose the 20 pounds, get the job, make the million dollars, whatever it is. The work that you've put in along the way is where you learn the lessons and change your life to become the person you're trying to become. So there's a lot of, I guess, different ways to look at this. And maybe I am the kind of person that the goal doesn't really matter to me. And for someone else, the goal is everything. So I'm not saying that one way is right or wrong. And maybe there's a balance that you have to come up with the goal to figure out what the daily thing is, but to be able to to be OK with and maybe never reaching that goal.

4:19 I mean there's goals that I set for myself that I never reach all the time But I very purposefully think about them as That's a stretch goal. That's something that if I got there, that would be really cool But the journey along the way I mean we talk about this all the time. It's not about the ending It's about the journey the journey along the way like you still get really really far What's that old saying like if you shoot for the stars at the very least you'll get to the moon And it's further than you were yesterday or the day before or anything like that. Like, you gotta look at all this stuff. It's progress. It's not perfection, progress. And I do like having those big stretch goals.

4:59 I also do like having the little goals because they all serve a purpose. So if you're the kind of person who doesn't like goals, because they're so big and hairy and audacious and like out there, set the little goals. know, like four glasses of water by noon. It's easy. You could literally just walk out to the kitchen and do it. I'm already way behind. yeah, but that, I mean, that's the thing. Like you can either be not goal oriented or goal oriented or big goal oriented, like all the things, but it's a mix and match of all of them, right? You gotta choose the right strategy for, you know, again, we're all individuals, the right strategy for what works for you for that particular situation.

5:42 So, you know, going to the gym every day wasn't a goal for me. It was just a lifestyle. Right. Yeah, it's funny. I was listening to an interview the other day with Andy Richter, the old co -host of, know, the Tonight Show and Conan O 'Brien. And he was talking about, you know, at this point in his life, he, know, when he goes to bed at night, He was talking about his level of productivity and how his life has changed, how he used to be go getter. Like he, you know, couldn't write enough, couldn't do enough and just, you know, was grinding and grinding and grinding. Now a little bit later in his life, he's realizing that's not as important to him. But what he does is, know, when he goes to bed at night, he sort of reviews his day and realizes I'm tired.

6:25 I did some work. I did some good things. I was there for my family. And he goes to bed feeling like he accomplished something that day. Just he felt he feels good about the effort that he put into his life that day to just have a full life. And that really stuck with me because I do I do sort of live my my life as though every day is just my life is today. Tomorrow doesn't exist yesterday is gone. So what can what can I do today to just make this the best use of the time that I have? And it's it's not even an intentional thing. It's not something I set out to to accomplish that, because again, it's not a goal that I have. It's just sort of a way that I live that it's like here. You know, I have a list of stuff to get done today that's important to.

7:05 whatever, you know, to my family, to my work, whatever it is. And at the end of the day, if I, if I crossed most of it off and I'm pretty tired and, and, you know, I got to pretty much everything I needed to, then it's a win. And I think that that is where over time, just like we talk about in so many other ways, those small little things that I do by focusing on what's in front of me today, that's what runs up the scoreboard. And so that, you know, a few months later I can look back and go, wow. But how far I've come. And I was just thinking about this yesterday, like, The last three years, I've lived with so much more intention than I think I ever did in my life before. And it's been the best three years of my life without big audacious goals necessarily. It was more just focused on how do I, what do I do today to get a little bit closer to that feeling of accomplishment and purpose that I can bring to my own life.

7:54 Yeah, no, and that's really what it is. I hate to say it, but the older you get, the more you realize it's just the day to day. It's not about achieving the next thing or the big car or the big, whatever it is, it's just the day to day. And I can speak from watching you. You were always like, I need to do this better. I need to get this goal. I need to do this. you're just kind of like work, I don't know, felt like you were like wiggling through life and you're like, and your mindset definitely changed. And like now you're just like, you know, we sit down and do this podcast and like, what do you want to talk about?

8:37 What are you struggling with? And you're like, nothing. I'm pretty fucking good. And it's so, again, like I know we all have our problems and every, you know, everyone struggles relevant, but like, it's so nice to hear you and watch you do that. So like, you know. Again, kudos to you. I feel like I've been saying that a lot. you're, I think I'm envious and jealous because I've fallen the other way and like shit's struggling, shit's hard for me right now. Just because there's so many things on the plate and I can't live day to day. So, I mean, just write a book about that. You should write a book about that. Come on. should start a podcast.

9:18 You should. You should. So talking about all this, I actually feel really validated because, you know, I'm a big fan as we talk about probably far too often. I'm a big fan of Ryan Holiday and you know, I get all of his emails and this one popped into my inbox the other day. I'll just read a little bit of it because it really helped me, you know, put a frame around this way that I sort of live on accident. And he says, I don't have goals. I know that might seem a little crazy, but it's true. I don't. There's not a certain amount of books I'm trying to write. There's not a certain amount of books I'm trying to sell. I don't have a number that I'm trying to hit financially. There's not a certain number of downloads I'm trying to get on my podcast or followers I want to reach. I run every day, but I'm not training to run a marathon. I swim a lot and bike too, but it's not because I want to do an Ironman.

10:01 That's sort of the point. What I want to do is run and swim. What I want to do is write. To me, that is the win. I don't fault other people for having goals. If that's what motivates you, enjoy. And obviously companies and coaches need to set goals for their staff and their team. That is how they evaluate and compare performance. A public company has to have revenue targets because investors demand them. They're just not for me. I'm much more focused on process. That is to say I focus on doing the thing as opposed to achieving some particular thing. Why? It mostly has to do with control. And this is where he talks about, I'll jump ahead a little bit. He says, I'm not saying you shouldn't strive to accomplish great things or to do and be all that you're capable of.

10:42 You definitely should. It's that in my experience, the best work comes out of just that doing the work, not visualizing success, not trying to reverse engineer what's working for someone else, not in setting a big hairy audacious goal as some advice, but in the quiet day to dayness of the work and immersing yourself in the craft, not the charts and being processed driven, not goal driven. So basically like instead of setting out to, you know, win a Grammy. setting out to record a great song because you love the process and you and you want to do the thing and hopefully in the end that that that Grammy comes as a result of putting in the work on the work itself and not on the the steps you take to try to win a Grammy necessarily.

11:26 Yeah, I can honestly say that one of my goals has never been to win a Grammy, because don't you have to be able to sing or be musically inclined? Yeah, mean, Millie Vanilli did it, right? true. Maybe we're doing this all wrong. We might be, we might be. Live off of other people's talents. Hmm, nevermind. Anyway, yeah, no, I'm not out for a Grammy at all. I do think that, you know, having goals is important. I think that, you know, just doing the day to day is also really important. But in my own mind, you know, having a goal and achieving that goal isn't who I am per se.

12:11 But doing the daily things like those daily things that that discipline and rigor of of just living in the moment. I don't know, I feel weird saying this. I identify more of who I am in those moments as opposed to like meeting any goal. Like that goal doesn't define me. So I always know that when I hit the goal, I'm going to feel good about it, but it's not who I am. But living in the moment is actually who I am. And those things that I do in the moment, that's who I am. And it really defines who I am. So, and I try to remember that when... I'm sitting on the couch, I'm like, I could go for some Doritos.

12:53 Living in the moment, that's not who I want to be. So it's a defining moment when you're in those bits and pieces. But again, the goals don't define who you are. It's interesting because I think they I think that both can serve a purpose because we've talked a lot about just building evidence that you can do hard things, building evidence that you are who you say you are and that sort of thing. And I think that by doing the work every day, whatever the work is, That can be the evidence that you point to. Like, I did the thing. I did it yesterday. I did it the day before. And I did it the day before that. Maybe there's an extra level of validation if doing the work turns out to be the Grammy, the bestseller list, the marathon, whatever the thing is.

13:37 Like, that's the medal you can hang on the wall that reminds you, you I did the work and it got me there. So I can see value in both. I just know that for me, whenever I do keep my eye on the prize of number of downloads. win the race, accomplish the thing, any setback is much harder because it means that the goal is no longer possible. Where if my focus is go to the gym every day, just because I didn't go today doesn't mean I can't go tomorrow. It's just, it's a little bit easier for me to bounce back mentally than to have. You know, the, target that I can no longer hit for whatever reason. In other words, you going back to the race analogy, like if I'm trying to train to complete a race and I get hurt, I can no longer do it.

14:23 So there's no longer a reason to keep going. Right. If my goal is I want to be in that race on that day at that time and my body says, no, you can't. I don't then go, well then what else can I do? I automatically sort of go to, I can't. So I'm done. And then you just have to remind yourself that it's about the experience and not necessarily the goal. I don't know, anytime I have, I've been in that situa, I've been in that situation a bunch of times where I was trained, like I've trained for marathons and hurt my knee or something like that and then couldn't run the marathon. And I specifically remember like being like, well, all that work was for nothing. Right? Might as well give up.

15:05 I never gave up. that, that never even occurred to me. It was like, I'm going to keep, I'm going to keep running. But like all the work of training for that goal was for nothing. But my VO2 max was increased. My muscles were increased. I was in better shape. Like there's all the things that you, you still get positives, even if you miss the goal. Right, like I said, if you're shooting for the stars and you get to the moon, you still did pretty good. So I don't think it negates. Right, it doesn't make it meaningless or worthless. It just means. Your goal changed. Right, and I don't mean to say that it makes the work that was done worthless. It makes it harder to keep going because if you can't accomplish the goal, there's no longer something to drive you to do it again today and tomorrow.

15:53 I guess that's the distinction. no, that's fair. I know whenever I was training for, you know, big runs, it was always, I would always have another race on the books just because I was like, I need a goal to actually like go towards. But then I found. I don't know, I failed like two or three marathons and realized that like. I don't need that goal anymore, like I just love running. Right. And I just would go running like Green Lake in Seattle. I just I love running around that trail. And it took a pretty severe injury that like took me out from running completely. But. So I think the goal changes and I just ran because I loved it.

16:33 And my goal is to be happy. it's funny bringing it kind of full circle. Like I remember seeing Ryan Holiday lately on a video. You know, he got a call from his agent that his book, you know, hit number one on the bestseller list or whatever. And he sort of sort of jokingly but but seriously was like, cool, the best way to celebrate is to start working on the next one. And he literally hung up the phone, opened up his computer and started writing. And it was just like, it was such a cool way to think of it as like This doesn't mean time to sit back, time to party. I don't have to work anymore. I did the thing. It's just cool. I hit a benchmark sort of by accident because that wasn't the goal, but here we are. But I'm here for the work.

17:13 I'm going to do some more of it now. It's just kind of a cool way to think of it. No, I'm going to go out and celebrate my wins. I think it's important. Like, I think if you do have a big goal and you do hit it, and again, he didn't have the goal of being number one. like, but at the same time, like go, go celebrate yourself. Yeah. And, you know, who knows, maybe he did, but it was just a cool sort of way to think of those wins as celebrate the accomplishment of the work by doing more of the work. It's just kind of an interesting idea. I do like that. I do like that. But I'm still gonna go celebrate by eating food. A big slice of pizza, a bunch of pie, and some Doritos, because we know of your love for Doritos.

17:58 I do love Doritos. I can't have them in the house. I'll just eat them. My only goal right now is for us to wrap up this episode. Thank you so much for listening. If you've gotten any value out of this, please do share it with somebody else to help us accomplish our goal of growing the show. Thank you so much for listening. We'll be back in just a few days with another episode at thefitmess .com. See you around.