How to Be OK With Starting All Over Again

0:00 when you're in the middle of trying to take better care of yourself. Do you ever get sick of just how many times you have to start over? No, because I'd have to be in the middle of taking care of myself. I suppose there is that challenge to overcome. In either case, we'll try to help you be a little bit easier on yourself when life gets in the way and you have to start all over again.

0:44 I want to start this episode by sharing a story about how I failed, struggled, and had to find ways to get out of my own head and remember to be a little kinder and more patient with myself. It all started with the yoga class I went to last night. This is the second time I've gone to this class and it's you know, relatively advanced right like it's it's a YMCA yoga class, so it's not you know crazy, but It's it's not for first timers And both times I've gone there's basically one pose that you're you're sort of building up to that you do and Both times I haven't been able to successfully do them Well, it's different each time but the one yesterday was it's some kind of something boat where basically you're upside down and you like push yourself up with your hands and your feet let's see you sort of bridge and then push yourself up super hard to do If you ever want to do it at home though, you get up against the wall and put your either your hands up against the wall or you put your feet up against the wall and then push up from there.

1:45 Okay. So the problem that I was having, though, was like this shoulder has just been jacked forever. And even when I go to the gym and I'm trying to like get the bar on my back to do squats, like I can't get my hands under the bar properly. I just don't have the mobility to get my hands back that far. And so like I'm on the floor and I'm doing it and there's there's a dude in front of me who's like bigger than me and he fucking did it. And it's like, fuck that guy. I good for him. But fuck that guy. And And I couldn't do it. And all of sudden, there was just like this wave of like shame and embarrassment and disappointment in myself that I couldn't do this like really hard thing. And and she even like came over to me and was like trying to help me figure out what was going on.

2:27 And was like, yeah, I can't get my hands there. And she's like, OK, then do exactly what you're doing. Then you're doing great. I was like, bullshit, I'm not doing this. And so then I just spent the next 20 minutes, the last 20 minutes of the class just like like. emotionally upset. I was like, can't believe I can't do that. I'm so upset with myself. And at the end of it, everything was over and she recognized me from being there last time. And she was like, how was that? And I was like, I was okay. I'm really disappointed in myself for not getting that pose. I was like, I was gonna actually ask you you wouldn't mind telling me, are there some things I could do at home to improve that mobility? And she was like, yeah, totally. And like, walk through these things. And I think like I was already so emotionally fragile that like then I got emotional about the fact that this person was helping me just because I asked.

3:14 And I was just like, that's like how weird that I'm like emotionally responding to getting help when I asked for it, you know, but also like I I'm not a yoga master after my second consistent class in two weeks. I mean, I'm really fucking disappointed in you. Right my my all of my emotional work I've done on myself. And yeah, I'm broken by not not nailing a pose and then getting help when I asked for it. Hmm. Well, A, that pose is really hard. when I was at the height of doing yoga, when I was doing my yoga teacher training, I couldn't even do it.

3:57 Yeah, no, it is hard. That is not an easy one. Like the sheer pressure on your shoulders to get yourself up is just amazing. And like people make it look really, really easy, but it's not. It's really, really not. So if you put your feet up against the floor and even. Well, no, if you put your feet up against the wall and even like, you if you're at home and Cheryl's there, have Cheryl stand by your head and push your hands into her ankles. So instead of having your hands all the way back. like this, where it's like hard to bend, push them straight back like this and grab her ankles and use the ankles and you can get up into the pose.

4:43 So there's other ways to do it, just not in a glass. Right. Yeah. And so, she showed me, because she was saying that she had the same problem. The instructor was saying she had the same problem. You know, and it took her like two years to build up the mobility to be able to do that move. And so, it was just a lot of like, literally like lay on the floor with the, you know, the block on your back and one under your head and just put your arms up and try to rest them on the floor. like, your arms are going to look super janky. You're not going to be able to like straighten them out. They're going to be, you know, kind of, kind of cacti, up in the, up in the air a little bit, but you know, it's just going to take time and gravity to like pull those things down and just working at it. And, know, part of the disappointment I guess that I had in myself was.

5:24 It was another like, should have done this 20 years ago. I should have started yoga when I was younger. I know all this information now and I'm starting to feel the effects of the neglect that I put my body through for the first half third of my life. And so just these dumb little nagging injuries where I'm just like, why was I so resistant to taking better care of myself? And it's because when you're young, you're invincible. You don't care. But when you are in your late 40s and you wake up with chronic pain every day, you're like, if I could have had the mental knowledge of what this was going to be like, that would have been the motivation I needed to start sooner doing all this crap.

6:07 There's always a day one, right? There's always a day one. And I love your math there because your math actually, based on what you just said and your actual age, you think you're gonna live to somewhere between 90 and 140 years old. Yeah, okay, so I love that, I love that. And it's always room for a day one. Yeah, I mean, I'm thinking like up until I turned, you know, 30 ish. So, you know, whatever. But. Yeah, I just you know, there's just so many things that, know, we talk all the time about the things that we do now that are normal, that, you know, 10, 15 years ago, if I told you you're going to do all these things every day, every week, whatever, it would blow your mind.

6:51 And it just makes me mad that that, you know, had I had the knowledge, could I if I had started sooner, how much further along would I be? And that's where you start playing the what ifs and all the like mind games that that honestly sometimes are a setback for me where I'm just like, well, fuck it. I might as well just give up like this sucks. And I've kind of been, you know, wrestling with a little bit of that, too. So it's just, you know, it was it was very nice to. to ask for help and get it because that is a sort of the other part of the story is that like I'm not good at asking for what I need. And so it took a lot for me to go up to somebody and say, hey, you you know more about this than I do.

7:32 Can you point me in a direction, especially because I wasn't necessarily paying her. I'm in this class that's part of my membership. So it's not it's not somebody I'm going I'm paying for your time. But it was just it was like a big leap for me to go up to her and say, hey, I would like to be better at this. What can I do and have her be like, dude, totally. You just do blah, And like without it, without a second guess. So that was really a really nice thing. And that was just sort of a reminder of that's something I need to work on too. It's just like being better about asking for what I need because like we say all the time, there are people that are willing to give you that help and give you what you need. But if they don't know that you need it, you're not going to get it. exactly.

8:14 we talk about vulnerability all the time about how. you if you just verbalize the thing that you're dealing with the person that can help you will show up. Mm You just happen to talk to a yoga teacher who was like, by the way, this and that, but sometimes it's, I know someone who went through that too. I'm going to put you in touch with them or I'm going to do this or I'm going to do that. Like, you know, it's, it's just amazing how if you keep it all bottled up, it's nothing's ever going to happen. Nothing's ever going to get solved. And when you talk about it, it's like just, it's moving mountains. It's crazy. Well, and back to your point about like there's always a day one, like in my case, there's a thousand day ones.

8:57 And so this is where like, you know, I get sort of sick of me sometimes where it's just like, how many times do I need to start over? How many times do I need to go back to day one? How many times do have to be the beginner in the class? How many times do I have to be the, you know, does this have to be the first time I'm doing this again and starting from the bottom? And it can be so fucking frustrating and just exhausting to just feel like. you know, how many times have I tried to start something, even going to the gym? Like I started in this great routine a few weeks ago, the kids got sick, life got in the way and I didn't go as much as I wanted to. So then it's, you know, it speaks to that whole like, what's the point? This is what always happens. You start doing the right thing and all of a sudden life fucks up again.

9:40 Like the thing that I have to constantly remind myself is that's not an anomaly. That's what life is. Like it's just going to constantly get in the way. So, you know, it's just, it's, been one of those weird times where I'm, I'm a beginner again. I'm Also injured and there's all these things that are that are sort of the reason that historically I would have given up. I would have said this isn't for me. This is for other people. And I still have the fight to go no bullshit. You know better. You just got to show up and do it and it's going to suck. And you might not ever reach the goals that you have. But doing the work is what's keeping you mentally sane.

10:22 It's what's keeping you healthier than you've ever been. but sometimes that's just not enough when when you're you know the beginning again for the hundredth time on the thing you keep trying to start doing. Yeah, it's really frustrating. wish I had a... You know, I honestly wish I could just be like, well, whenever that happens to me, I just do this, this, this, and this, and it's all good. Yeah, here's the one thing I always do. And it's just not that easy. I hear you. I'm, you know, unfortunately, even things like, you know, I'll say the gym, like I have just...

11:02 the last six months have been really hard for me. I, man, I mean, it's even pushing like almost nine months now, like where I got sick and I couldn't go to the gym and I got out of the habit and then life got in the way and this and that. like, I'm, and I don't know about you, but like, I know if you go two or three weeks without going to the gym and then you go to the gym and you go as hard as you normally do, you're hurting for like two days. So I've, In the last six weeks, I've like started gone three days in a row at my normal pace, normal weights, normal everything, and then can't get out of bed because I hurt so bad.

11:42 And then I don't go for five days because I hurt so bad. And then I'm on day one again, trying to move the same amount of weights. And in the last two weeks, I finally realized I was like, you know what? I'm going to use half the weight. I'm actually going to scale that and I'm going to do half the reps. I'm going to scale that and I'm not going to do that. I'm going to do this and I'm just going to get my body used to this again. Like it's a thing. even like, you know, yesterday we were doing hang cleans, power cleans, like getting a barbell up to, know, on on the of your shoulders. And I started out, I was like, you know what, this is a super lightweight, but I'm just going to do this. I'm going to get my body used to it.

12:23 I'm going to go through the motions. We're going to get there. And that's it. But I wasn't doing the really super hard thing of like trying to put 185 pounds on the bar and do it, which I would have normally done. So, you know, go to yoga. Don't do the really hard pose. Just fucking be happy you went. And that's, that's the, the mindset. that I have a lot of trouble with because I go back to these things. And if it's a day one again and again and again and again and again, I have a baseline day one or I'm sorry, I have a baseline day 373 where I was doing really, really good and I can't be that again. And it's really problematic. So you just have to be, again, get through the motions.

13:04 It doesn't have to be the same intensity or the same skill level or anything. Just show up, just do it. Be gracious with your body. Be gracious with yourself. It's funny you say that because the gym that I work out in 99 times out of 100 I'm in there by myself or there's maybe one other person in there for five or ten minutes I was in there the other day and there were like three or four people in there and one guy came up and it's real chatty talking to me for you know much longer than I would have liked and I've He finally like went over to his thing and I got on the bench and I was gonna do some some bench presses with the bar and he said something he kind of like kind of shouted over to me like, how much can you can you get on that bar?

13:47 And I told him, I was like, well, you know, like there was so much shame because I was like where I was, you know, six months ago or whatever, was much farther along than I am now. And so was like, well, you know, I'm rehabbing this injury. So I'm only at, you know, I told him, he's like, yeah, that's pretty good. There's this guy in here. He's 71 who lifts like 190 pounds on that thing. And I knew who he was talking about. I've seen I see this guy in there sometimes. And he is both an inspiration and makes me feel like complete shit about myself because he comes in there and just fucking kills it like he is lifting heavier things than me faster than me and then like going over and doing all he's just all over the place and he's much older than I am and I'm like man if I can be half as good as this dude at his age I'm in good shape but I'm also like fuck what does it say that I can't do what he can do but but to your point like that that reset that back to day one, that lighter weight on the bar, when you see what you are capable of and suddenly aren't anymore because life got in the way, it can be such a huge mental challenge to let that go and just be like, nope, this is just where you're at because life puts you here and that's okay.

14:59 You can get there again. It's just a matter of time. That's where you're at. And to your point, you can get back there again. Like whatever that day 373 baseline number was, you can get back there. You just need to remember how did you get there the first time? It was consistency. It was going every day. It was making them like making those motions. like whatever it is that you like, whatever that peak was in whatever situation it is. You had a day one before that too, where you were just, I won't say as bad, but just as you are today. Like there was a moment in your life where you were right there and you got to that 373 number, whatever it is, right?

15:46 You got there, you did it, you did the hard thing. You can do it again. Well, and in my case, you know, if this is helpful for anyone, it the reason it's such a mental challenge is that I'm now looking at that number on the bar as a goal, as something I'm trying to reach where day one that got me there was I'm just going to do this every day. Yeah. I'm just going to do this today and I'm just going to do this tomorrow. And one day at a time, I'm just going to keep doing this because I wanted it to benefit my mental health, not worry about a look or an amount that I could lift. There wasn't some sort of superficial goal. was just for your mental health, do this every day and see what happens.

16:29 And that's how I got there. So now, you know, where the frustration is setting in is because I'm looking at that number on the bar and going, I want it to better than that. Right. And that's the thing that's holding me back. It's not. And I have to remind myself in that moment, you're here so you don't get depressed. That's why it doesn't matter if there's four pounds on that bar. You're here so you don't get depressed. You're not here to win a weightlifting competition. Yeah, although I would like to win a weightlifting competition. I think it'd be really fun. Although in my current state, I think I'd have to enter a competition with like 14 year olds, so. going to say like kindergartners, like, you know, let's let's take on the five year old and up group.

17:13 I don't know. My daughter is 13 and there is an Instagram page that I follow that I saw. It's a 13 year old girl who like does CrossFit and weightlifting and stuff. I'm not kidding. This 13 year old girl can lift more than me. crazy. And she, I mean, she's so impressive, but like, you know, I followed it so that I could show my 13 year old daughter me like, look, look at this girl, this and that. Little did I know that, you know, scrolling through Instagram and I see her, you know, like I did the same lift that morning and she's got like 10 kilos more on it than I do. And I'm just like, you gotta be fucking kidding me.

17:57 But that just highlights again the importance of wherever I'm at, I'm only competing with myself. The fact that that 13 year old can lift more than me says nothing about me. It says a lot about her. Nothing about me. I am competing with me and nobody else. And those blinders are really hard to take off sometimes too. Because I know in a yoga class you look around and you see... Nine times out of ten for me. It's a yoga class full of really flexible women And I see them get into whatever ridiculous pose it is and I can't move my big toe To get into that pose and I feel like shit and i'm like, okay i'm built very very differently than most of the people in that room i've got 40 years of sitting at a desk sitting and you know things that kept kept my mobility down and i'm just a guy like I mean like I'm not a small guy.

18:57 Like I've got muscles and things like that and they just get in the way. So I'm competing against me. If I get a degree more in that stretch than I did the week before, it's a win. I don't care what Suzy's doing next to me. Yeah. And those moments really highlight the, the beginner mindset sometimes too, where you're looking like, for me, I'm usually looking around going like, I don't understand the words that just can't came out of the instructor's mouth. need to like see somebody else do this. So I know what to do. So sometimes that can amplify it. And, and, but like you said, it doesn't matter. Like just because someone else has that you're looking at that knows exactly what they're talking about and can do it immediately. It's because they've been doing it for 10 or 20 years, or they've been doing it for a year.

19:40 This was my second class in this kind of a. class, maybe ever. don't know if I've ever taken like, you know, somewhat advanced yoga class. And here I am beating myself up that I can't do this really hard pose like that's. That's the competition I need to work on is that story I tell myself that I'm not as good or I'm not good enough because I can't do this thing. And that's something I've struggled with forever. It's like, how come I'm not immediately perfect at everything I try the minute I try it? one of the many lessons I need to keep learning over and over again. Just remember the one yoga class that I taught that you were part of, I gave the key ingredient to any yoga class and it was a Star Wars reference.

20:25 Yeah, what was it? Breathe, just breathe. If you literally just lay on the mat and breathe when they tell you to breathe without moving a muscle, you're doing 50 % of yoga right there. So just like if you can't hit the big pose, who cares? Focus on the breathing. Do what you can do. Be happy with it and just be like, I did it. you know, thumbs down, thumbs up. I did it. That's the thing is it's just showing up over and over again and doing the messy work it takes to get better day by day. Is it messy? I say that with a smile on my face of course.

21:06 It's messy, because I can't, otherwise I cry. So many tears. All right. Well, I'm going to shed some tears if we don't get out of here. Thank you so much for listening to this episode. If you've gotten any value from it at all, I hope you'll share it with somebody who can benefit from it. You can do that by visiting our website, thefitmas .com. That's where we'll be back in just a few days with a brand new episode. Thanks so much for listening. See you,