0:00 I'm so overwhelmed. I feel like my brain's a web browser. I've got 17 tabs open, four frozen, and I've got no fucking clue where the music is coming from. We better come up with some suggestions on how to manage your overwhelm. Let's do that. So knowing what I know about you, you want to talk about being overwhelmed. I don't know what you're talking about. I'm gonna say yes.

0:43 I'm a little bit overwhelmed. At this point in time, I think I'm so overwhelmed that my to-do list has its very own to-do list. You My wife used to have, her to-do list used to be a to-do binder. It was literally just like pages and pages. was just like, I would be overwhelmed just picking up that book and carrying it around. Yeah, I know. And paper is paper's overwhelming to me for some reason. Like I'm OK with an electronic list and I'm OK with a whiteboard. Like I've got one right here. I've got a big whiteboard on the wall. But paper, I can't do it. I I've got all these books that have to do lists and all these, you know, planners that I paid a whole lot of money for that are just sitting on the shelf and not doing anything for it.

1:26 And like, I just can't stand to do it. My girlfriend keeps saying, I'm going to make you a honeydew list. And I'm like, I made one and I shared you a link to it. And she's like, nah, I don't want any of electronic crap. And I'm like, but how are you going to tell me what to do? And at this point in time, I'm regulated to reading her mind. Like that's what I have to do to figure out what it is. So I get in trouble on a pretty regular basis for not reading her mind. Still love her though. we're gonna talk about how to read people's minds. We've got a course we can sell you on this for four or even four easy payments of $997 if you're really overwhelmed.

2:10 That's right. So take us through what you can share of your overwhelming list. What are all the things just like off the top of your head? What's swirling? You know, we're doing this. So this is one thing that's on your list of things to get done today. What else is like ruminating in the back of your head of when this is done? I got to do these 87 things. Well, so over the last few months, personal stuff here, my girlfriend and I moved in together. We combined families, know, yay, wonderful, all good things. super easy everyone just does it with a piece of cake no struggle of any kind. Yeah, like two completely separate families coming together. No issues whatsoever. Just kidding.

2:52 but you know, my house wasn't big enough for all of us. Her house wasn't big enough for all of us. So we got a new house that is big enough for all of us. And then we literally spent the last two months like preparing to move. And I bought this house before I sold my house. So I bought it like a month before we were supposed to move in. Cause I was like, I want to do a couple of projects before we get going. And we've, you know, I like fixer upper. So I found something that was, that needed a little bit of work at the time. I said a little bit of work now. I mean, if you've ever seen the money pit and the scene where the bathtub falls through and Tom Hanks is just standing over at laughing. I had a couple of moments like that so far with this house.

4:09 So those couple of little projects turned into big projects and, the people who lived here prior were filthy. And I'm not kidding. Like, I had a contractor come in who's seen the worst of the worst and he's like, that laundry room was the worst laundry room I've ever seen in my entire life. I've been doing this for 30 years. The tile stunk so bad, I had to replace the tile. I couldn't even wash it out. my boss quit at work and I got like a couple of new responsibilities and a new boss and like, you know, like it's all fine. It's good. But like that stress of getting a new boss is tangible, really tangible. You'd like one minute you're like, they're going to, they're going to fire me immediately.

4:51 And the next second you're like, okay, I'm safe. Yeah, there's that sense, like whenever any new boss comes in, where you just automatically assume they're gonna think you're an idiot. And you think that for a long time. Yeah, and I mean, a lot of bosses I've had are smart, like, I would gauge them as smarter than me. But, you know, this one's She's like leagues beyond me and in being intelligent and. You know, there there is anxiety and and a lot of that, but now I'm you know, I'm not afraid anymore of losing my job. I'm excited that I get to learn from somebody like this. This is cool. Yeah. So yeah, new job, new house, new, you know, like blending of families and like, haven't had time to work out much, trying to work out, hurt myself and like dealing with that and all just, you know, it's all kinds of things.

5:37 And like I said, this house was not well taken care of. So every time I turn around, I'm fixing something little or doing something that needs doing. had, you know, $10,000 worth of trees removed and new fence is going up right now. power washing the deck and staining it. Cause like they didn't take care of it and you know, just all over the place. So overwhelm is, I would say overwhelm is probably not even a good word to describe the amount of well, my man. So you mentioned you're not going to the gym, you're not doing the things that you normally do, which is understandable. Like all this new stuff, mean, just blending a family, being full-time living with other people that you haven't been living with prior and, you know, before this relationship, you had a lot of time to yourself.

6:27 So how are you managing it? I mean, is it literally just grab a vine and swing or is there any space in there to help manage the overwhelm? I mean, it's, you know, just remembering some of the basics, right? mean, so I am back in the gym now and I hurt myself the other day because I wasn't going so much and I was like, well I can lift that. I clearly couldn't and you know, hurt my back. but I know I'm back into it now because like I hurt my back to the point where two months ago I'd have been like, well, fuck that. I'm not going to the gym for a month. And I took one day off. I rested. And then I got back in there. I told the coach and I was like, look, I did something to hear this really hurts.

7:12 So whatever we're doing today, I'm not doing anything that hurts, but I will do everything else. OK. And, you know, she took what I could do and then added a couple of pieces to it that that I could also do that didn't hurt. So I know I'm back. I got it now because I'm like, I'm injured. No, I'm still going to the gym. I'm still moving because the whole reason that I hurt myself is because I stopped moving. It's crazy how quickly your body, forgets or your, your skills or ability diminish when you do stop for even a short time for a few days, a week or two. I'm constantly surprised when those situations come up where I can't go to the gym for awhile.

7:54 And you know, whatever I left off on, on the bar, I'll try to start there. it's like, Nope. You know, it's only been a couple of weeks. So it's, doesn't take much of just not doing it for your body to, to show you how quickly it forgets. Yep, absolutely. So, and it's, you know, just, it's, there's just so much. S S self-compassion that you have to have for yourself in these moments. Like, Hey, this will all pass and everything will be normal again. And it's all going to be good. Be like, you're just a human. Like there's only so much you can do in a day. And like, you know, I've got my whiteboard up on the wall next to me and I'm back to every single day, just dumping my brain out, which is great.

8:39 Like I, I still cannot recommend that enough. Like Get a whiteboard, get a piece of paper, dump your brain out, anything and everything. And I mean, like, I've said this before on the show, like I will, it's not just to do things things that you have to do. It's like my board in the morning is just, is covered with things like, you know, fix the toilet paper holder. I'm anxious. I'm feeling sad. Go put the carpet down in the living room. Go poop. Like it's. Anything and everything that just rolls through my mind goes onto the board. And if you spend 10 or 15 minutes doing that, the amount of things that show up on that board is incredible.

9:21 And then it's there. It's tangible. You can work with it and I can go, here's all the things that I'm feeling. here's all the things I have to do for work. Here's all the things I have to do for the house. Here's all the things I have to do for me. And like really separate it out and prioritize it. And I'm not kidding. Like it's fucking game changer. if you can get into that every single day and then you go, okay, of all these hundred things that are swirling in my brain that were causing me anxiety to the point where I was eating hives and having physical outbreaks of it, what are the three things I need to do today? And you write those three things at the top. And if you get those down or if you get those done, it's a success.

10:02 Right. And also we've talked about this before too, but a lot of those things that are on your mind, the, know, got to fix the thing, got to do the whatever they'll, they feel urgent cause it's on your head right now. And when you write it down, you can go, I can actually do that. Thursday. That doesn't have to happen to like it. And then when it's on the calendar, it's out of your head, it has its place and it's going to get dealt with. just, relieves that anxiety too. another thing I like to do and it's so funny, just the other day was, you know, scrolling through Facebook cause I had, you know, a million other things to do and was trying to avoid them. And, I stumbled across across this image of Earth. And it was taken in like 1990 by, forget, like the Voyager telescope, I think. But it's a picture of Earth from 3.7 billion miles away.

10:44 And so it is basically a black picture with a little bit of like red color. And there's this tiny, tiny little white dot, like just almost looks like a speck of dust that ended up on the image somehow. But that's Earth. And so I love to see stuff like that to just remind myself of how insignificant I am. And therefore how insignificant my problems are. Like no matter how big something feels, when you see how small you are in the universe, that shit just suddenly matters so much less. And you're just like, wow, I'm, letting this dominate my emotions, my time, my day, my interactions with others. And it is so insignificant in comparison to the space I inhabit in the universe.

11:26 It is. It definitely is, like, you know, I wouldn't minimize yourself to a speck of dust in a cosmos, right? mean... the size of the universe, I mean, the size of the solar system alone. we as people can't even grasp, right? I mean, like there's nothing so far away for us that we can even fathom, like even Mars, like just the next planet over so far away. So like looking back at it from Voyager, mean, Voyager is looking at it from the outskirts of the solar system. It's like beyond Pluto, I mean, Pluto is still a planet, I'm sorry, it always will be. Technically it's not. totally understand why it's not.

12:06 this to become star talk, but here we are But I'm with you though, like, yes, we are specks of dust in the universe, but at the same time, like it. It brings you to a point where you're like, okay, of all the things in the universe, my problem is not that big of a problem. To us though, it is a big problem, right? So I'm kind of agreeing with you and disagreeing with you at the same time, I think. the intention isn't to minimize, it's just to help you shift your perspective. Just to be like, it really a big deal if I don't fix the toilet paper holder today? Right? Like that thing can take up space in your head like, that there got to get that thing done. But really, do you? Like, it's not a big deal if it takes another day or two.

12:46 Like, who cares? Like in the grand scheme of things. Well, you're married though. You know what it's like to have a wife breathing down your neck. Like getting that toilet paper holder fixed is important because she wants it to be fixed. Not because I think it's important. It's a little blue speck for me. It's a red hot fireball for her, right? think that is you adapting again to the live-in relationship. yeah, yeah, absolutely. that's, that's new for you. So that's all like that in itself is overwhelming. So all those little things are, you know, now rewiring your brain again to go, I also have to take care of their needs all the time as well as my own. Yeah, and it's rewiring of other brains too.

13:29 So I'm like, you know, dealing with, you know, other people's children is, it's not easy, especially if you want to do it right. right. It's incredibly hard. and introducing introducing new things or, you know, helping helping them learn things like it's just, you know, like I had my daughter from birth and I learned how to work with her as she developed. Whereas, you know, other people's children are developed to whatever point they're developed to, and you just have to jump in and throw shit at the wall and hope it sticks. I mean, it's really kind of that. So anyway, like it's been crazy. but you know, The best that I feel on any given day is the day that I get up in the morning and drag my, what I consider to be my lazy ass out of bed because I used to be the guy, the alarm went off.

14:22 I was out of bed and I was moving and I've gotten so out of my routine and everything now that like when that alarm goes off, I'm like, just five more minutes, just five more minutes, which leads to an hour and you miss the gym and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yep. But I have to tell you, like, this week I've made it four times. That's incredible. Nice job. I had to take one day off because I hurt myself, but I went back four days. I'm going to try for a fifth tomorrow. We're going to make it. and I've been doing yoga every day and I'm just getting that physical routine back and I cannot tell you. You know, I don't know why it surprises me anymore, but it surprises me every time I'm like, I worked out in the morning.

15:03 And then at the end of the day, I'm like, I had a really good day. Like I don't really want to let go bingey. I don't really want a beer. don't want. all of these vices that like on a day where you don't work out and you don't get exercise and then everything fucking builds up and you didn't put that foundational piece in there at the very beginning and whether it's working out or just taking 10 minutes to meditate or whatever it is like if you're in these moments of huge huge overwhelm you really got to go back to the basics it's like move your body first thing in the morning meditate first thing in the morning do something for you first thing in the morning before you have to go do shit for everyone else what's your your favorite analogy of the Champagne flute waterfall. the champagne fountain, the filling up the glass on the top so that it overflows onto everyone below.

15:46 It's just a nice visual to consider that you're that glass on top and the more that you are filled, you can help fill everyone else's cup. Yeah. And, and then like I said, like as you're going through your day, if you're, if you're in that mode, if you dumped your brain out and you figured out the 150 things that you have to do and what are the top three things you put all of your energy and focus into those three things. That's it. That way, like you're not multitasking a hundred things. Cause you're not going to get any of them done. and talk to your friends, right? You know, I just spent 20 minutes talking to you and I feel better. Yeah, no, we've talked about that too, just like the venting or complaining, like it has its place.

16:31 You don't want to become the person that complains all the time, but like a nice dedicated space to get that stuff out. that's, know, therapy coach, like any of those kinds of resources are great for that too. But a lot of this, I've been talking about this a lot lately too with people is the idea that, you know, your values drive these things. And so if you're finding yourself putting off the gym, you're finding yourself putting off all the meditations, all the things you know you want to do for yourself and why you want to do them, you have to consider like, what is it that those things provide for you in your life that makes you want to do them? And are they important enough to prioritize and make them the thing that you either do first thing in the morning or if your schedule just does not allow for that to know, like, I'm going to go do this at this time and it's blocked on the calendar and nothing gets in the way.

17:14 Like just it is, it's vitally important to make sure you do something for yourself every day because it just makes it so much easier to be there for others that are counting on you because you you've done what you can to take care of yourself rather than getting to them and getting to that place in your head where you're like, can I just have five minutes to breathe for God's sake? Like, That's the whole point is to be able to navigate those emotional challenges. We actually talked about this very thing back on episode 169 with Dr. Samantha Brody. She's the author of Overcoming Overwhelm, Dismantle Your Stress From the Inside Out.

18:47 You can jump over to episode 169 to hear that full interview. And like I said, even if it's just 15 minutes of like meditation or breathing, it doesn't have to be going to the gym. I highly recommend the gym just because, know, like it's what I do and I think everyone should do what I do. you know, yeah. Jim can be substituted for, you know, run yoga in your living room, whatever, like just move your body. Yeah. moving your body. And that's, I guess I had at the beginning, it's so frustrating to like go a couple of weeks without working out and be in more pain than I am when I do work out. Like the soreness that I have from working out, I've come to love, even though everyone, like everyone hates it, but like the soreness from working out compared to the soreness of not working out.

19:38 Yeah. whole different ball game because one of them is like chronic chronic specific pain in like a specific region the other one is just I ache all over Well, and the other thing is there's two different stories you tell yourself. The chronic pain is, my God, I'm going to feel like this forever. how come this hurts all the time? how come, how come, why am I such a victim? The other pain is I did something. I worked hard and I, and I overcame it. Like that story of I did something hard and I'm better for it makes that pain feel better. And it becomes kind of a badge of honor. We're like, yeah, yeah, I hurt because I did something. But when you're like, hurt because I haven't left the couch in six weeks and I, you know, I can't shove any more nachos in my face.

20:19 That's, that's a different story you're living with. Yeah, absolutely. right. So you heard about how overwhelmed I am, but like, let's just recap real quick. Like if you are overwhelmed, like seriously prioritize your tasks and break them down, however that works for you. If you have other people in your life, setting boundaries can really help like saying no is an option. Practicing mindfulness or working out or some kind of physical activity. First thing in the morning can just again, get those endorphins firing so that you can have something going in your head. Self-compassion. You can't do it all. You're just a little blue fucking speck of dust in the universe. Sorry. Self-compassion. You can't get it all done.

21:00 Like I said, if you prioritize and prioritize and break down your tasks, make sure you get like three or four things that you have to absolutely do and don't multitask on them. Talk to your friends, make some time for anything else that you want to do. And at the end of the day, go to bed early. Seriously, it'll just help you for the next day. So. Yeah, that's my favorite morning routine is going to bed early. It's critical. Right. I wake up every morning and I'm like, I should go back to bed and I do. And then, then three hours later, I'm like, shit, I'm late for work. That's right. That's right. All right. Well, lots of great tips there. I hope that this has been beneficial. And I hope it's been beneficial for you, Zach, to get this off your chest a little bit.

21:40 I hope it's been beneficial for you, the listener. And if you, the listener, know of someone else who could benefit from hearing this conversation and some of these tips that we're offering, have them listen to the show. Send them a link. Share it however you can. There's links to do that on our website, thefitmass.com. And that's where we'll be back in about a week with a brand new episode. Thanks so much for listening. See you around.